Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
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Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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