I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
