Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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