I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
