I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Gay?
German.
Pity.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
