I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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