Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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