how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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