what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
