We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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