There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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