I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
