Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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