standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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