no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
