I wish i was in the wii world.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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