My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
