The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Holy shit dude........stairs
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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