That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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