Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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