We got so high we made milksteak
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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