hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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