She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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