i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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