You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Damn victory sex feels great
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
