Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
