i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just want to make out with him forever
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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