im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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