I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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