He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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