Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
