her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
