Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I think your dad took our porno
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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