Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
