That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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