Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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