you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
