his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
