i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
