yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
