Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
