I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
