Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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