I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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