I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
