Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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