Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
