I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
