My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
