i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
