my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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