Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
not ubering you a puppy
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
