my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
