Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
