You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
