she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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