okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize