I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
