I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
