I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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