Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
