With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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