I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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