cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize