Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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