Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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