i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
