dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We are all done wearing pants today
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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