I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
