it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Randomize
