nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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