he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
