I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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