She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
