Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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