Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
