bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
