apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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