before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
