you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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