Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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