is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
