PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
