I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
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I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
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I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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